Of Metaphors and Realities
by TTCyclone
Summary: In which Jim watches the security tapes of when he died, and finds out that Spock might be a little more human than he thought. Making out ensues. (Based off this prompt: "When Kirk dies, Spock confesses his love to Kirk's dead body. After Kirk is revived, he ends up watching the security tapes of that moment and hears Spock's confession.")


**Disclaimer:** I do not own.

**A/n: **Based off of this prompt from the ST:ID kink meme:

"So when Kirk dies, Spock just spills his guts out to Kirk's dead body. He confesses his love and all the squishy illogical feelings he never allowed himself to acknowledge or admit. After Kirk is revived, he ends up watching the security tapes of that moment for some reason and hears Spock's confession. Up to you whether Spock/Uhura are together or broken up."

I rolled with it. Apologies if Spock seems too human-y.

* * *

The very worst part about dying is leaving the people you love. Kirk decides upon this about an hour after he woke up. One by one, his friends came to visit him in his hospital bed, staying long enough to greet their captain and say how relieved they were that he was alive. They tried to stay long, but not too long because Bones was ushering them out of his room before they could really get a word in edgewise.

Jim found this understandable. He didn't know what he'd do if Bones had died and been brought back to life by some physico killer's super blood, but he figured that he would pretty much have to same reaction that the doctor was having. McCoy fussed with him ("Are you sure you're feeling alright? You'd better not pass out on my watch, kid."), his bed ("If it's not comfortable, just press this button and—no, don't sit all the way up, you're not ready for that yet."), and even his food intake ("Dammit, Jim! Quit stuffing your face with jello!"). It was incredibly sentimental. Bones seemed to be acting like an overprotective mamma bear.

(Of course, when Jim voiced this, his face got smothered into a pillow, but that's beside the point.)

He had been in the hospital for about two days when he became restless. Kirk wanted out of the bed, wanted to move around and go talk to his friends and get drunk and—

Groaning, Jim threw his head back against his pillow. This was so _boring_. McCoy was currently out of the room, evidently checking on another one of his patients. Kirk was ready to hit the intercom button to call the good doctor back in so that he could somehow entertain himself, when the door to his room whooshed open. The action revealed one Nyota Uhura. Her uniform was rumpled and her eyes had dark circles under them as if she hadn't slept for days, but Kirk was happy to see her either way.

He beamed, "Uhura! I'm—_oof_!" She had made it across the room and thrown her arms around him before he could finish his sentence. "Easy there," Kirk warned fondly, wrapping his arms around the communications officer. "I'm alive, but Bones says that I'm still breakable."

"Sorry," she apologized, pulling away from him. "I just—I wish I could have come sooner, but there was all this stupid paper work we had to fill out, and I felt bad for Spock, so I did his half. They didn't even tell me you woke up until an hour ago."

"But you're here now," Kirk pointed out. "And you just saved Bones from getting a fake distress call. I swear I'm going crazy in here."

"I think everyone is going a little crazy with you in here," she agreed. "Especially Spock."

Jim frowned at her, picking up on the hinting in her voice but not understanding what it was supposed to imply.

"Is there something wrong with him?" Kirk asked. "Don't tell me he's actually showing emotion for my poor wounded self."

It was Uhura's turn to frown. "Didn't he talk to you already? McCoy said that he had already been here when you were conscious."

"Yeah, he was here when I woke up."

"…So, did he not talk to you?"

"Yeah, he did," said Jim skeptically, sitting up a little bit higher against his pillows. "Why wouldn't he talk to me?"

"I'm not saying that, I'm saying…" Nyota leaned closer over the bed and locked eyes with him. "I'm asking if he _talked_ to you."

Kirk blinked. Uhura sighed. "I'm taking that as a _no_ then."

"What was he supposed to be _talking_ to me about, exactly?" questioned Jim. He noticed a sudden stiffness in her posture, and an explanation popped into his head. "Wait, are you guys fighting again? I thought you two had made up already."

"We're not fighting," Uhura said hesitantly, as if unsure as to how her captain would react. "We broke up."

Kirk balked. "What? No way! You guys were like a super awesome power couple! Damn, why'd you do that?" Uhura opened her mouth, but Kirk cut her off. "Was it because of the whole Khan thing? Or was the sex?"

"What?!"

Kirk grinned devilishly. "I totally went down on this Romulan chick once, and holy shit. It was fucking awesome, especially with that super strength. And since Vulcans are pretty much their biological cousins—"

Uhura clapped her hand over Kirk's mouth, looking suddenly as if she had a migraine. "No, no, no, shut up. You're missing the point."

Kirk waggled his eyebrows as if to say, _Or am I?_ but the lieutenant's glare kept him quiet.

"Spock and I ended it because of…well…," she trailed off, removing her hand from his mouth and shifting her weight from foot to foot. "I thought he would tell you himself, but evidently not."

"Tell me what?" questioned Kirk, starting to get irritated that her little 20 Questions bit had so far gotten him nowhere.

Nyota bit her lip. She opened her mouth and her words spilled out quickly in one giant run-on thought. "I shouldn't say, it's really something he needs to tell you himself; it's a big step for him being half-Vulcan and all, and—"

"Nyota!" Kirk almost snapped, using a bit of what he called his Captain Voice. The communications officer promptly shut her mouth. "What was Spock supposed to tell me?"

Uhura hesitated for a moment before almost tentatively saying, "You might want to look over the security tapes from when you died."

Kirk, being Kirk, let curiosity spike through him and went looking for the tapes the second he was released from the hospital. He honestly didn't know what Uhura had expected him to find on them anyway. He had been watching them back in his apartment for about three hours now, finding nothing out of the ordinary—well, except for the fact that the _Enterprise_ was tilting this was and that and the video occasionally went to static due to the crashing of the ship. Jim nearly winced at the nausea that the replay was giving him.

He watched as he ran over to the engines core, knocked Scotty out, and dove headfirst into the radiated core, disappearing from the camera's view. Kirk sat back in his chair and watched as the video continued to shake, go to static, and shake some more before finally evening out and go back to being level. The ship had stopped shaking at this point. Jim still couldn't see himself, only the other side of the core's protected glass door.

Then he saw Spock, bolting across the screen over to the door like his life depended on it.

"Computer, audio."

Kirk listened intently to what he thought would be the conversation he would have with his first officer. A sudden sharpness stabbed him in the gut when he realized that he could hear Spock more clearly without the glass barrier. The Vulcan sounded like he was in so much pain. How very illogical.

Jim watched as his first officer slammed his fist against the glass and howled Khan's name.

"Jim," he heard Spock say, his voice no more than a hushed whisper. "Jim Jim Jim. _Ashaya_."

Kirk frowned slightly, leaning forward in his seat and turning up the volume. Funny, he didn't remember this part of his death being in the official's report. Spock's lean frame was trembling almost violently, his hand still pressed against the glass door. With a start, Jim realized that he was crying.

"Oh, God," Jim heard Scotty say. He watched as the engineer stepped forward, his hand extended towards the Vulcan. "Mr. Spock—"

Spock whirled around, his normally stock face expressing so much emotion that it startled Kirk (and Scotty, who immediately stepped back). "_Nam'uh ralash-fam!" _Spock howled in his native tongue. _"Trasha!" _

Scotty was obviously confused, but frightened, and backed away from the Vulcan with his hands raised in a passive-aggressive stance. The engineer eventually left the sight of the camera, leaving only Spock—and technically, Kirk himself—the only two visible on screen.

Spock was still shaking, and Jim could hear his heavy breaths as they heaved his chest in and out. "Jim," Spock said his name again, only this time it sounded more like a desperate whine. It made Kirk's stomach twist in an unpleasant way, not wishing to ever hear that tone of voice come from his first officer again.

"I…I do not understand," Spock continued to speak, his voice shaky. "I cannot close myself off from my emotions. I am compromised…" The half-Vulcan trailed off as a larger sob wracked his body. "It hurts, Jim. I cannot make it go away."

Kirk could do nothing but stare in awe at the screen, feeling his heart ache for his first officer. Spock took a few labored breaths, obviously trying to regain what little control he could muster.

"My mother once spoke of a day where I would encounter someone who would 'turn my world upside down'. An incredibly illogical phrase considering that there is no humanoid creature with such an ability that I am aware of, nor is it possible to shift a planet's gravity so that all matter is, indeed, upside down."

Jim nearly rolled his eyes.

"However, her metaphor was clearly referring to the time when I would find someone who not only possesses the qualities that I wish to have in a mate, but also one that had the capacity to offer me much more."

Jim held his breath. Spock pressed hand again against the glass, his next words whispered. "I believe I have encountered such a person, but have foolishly squandered my time with him."

Leaning forward so that his forehead was pressed against the glass roughly where the crown of Kirk's head was, Spock clenched his eyes shut as another wave of emotion passed through his body.

"Jim. _T'hy'la._"

That word seems to ring in Jim's ears, running over and over in his brain even though he didn't know why. Spock inhaled deeply through his nose and abruptly stood. His entire body was tense and his spine slightly bent as if he was preparing to pounce. He reached out as if to touch the glass once more, but retracted his hand at the last second, balling both of his hands into fists at his sides.

"I will make Khan pay," Spock growled, he actually _growled_, before turning on his heel and running off camera. The video shook and then turned to static.

Jim simply stared blankly at the screen for a moment before leaping to his feet and knocking back the chair he had been sitting in. He had to find Uhura. He _had_ to know what that word meant.

Despite his rank as a first officer on the _Enterprise_, Spock had still been given the opportunity by the Academy to continue issuing the Kobayashi Maru whenever he had been granted enough time planet side. Since Kirk was still recovering, Spock opted to stay on Earth to keep an eye on his Captain until he was ready to go back to commanding. Given the fact that McCoy instated Kirk be in bed for at least two more weeks, Spock had found it logical to use his time to continue to administer the test.

The final simulation for the day had just ended, and the other administrators eagerly filed out of the room until only Spock remained. Double checking the results on his PADD, the Vulcan concluded that this cadet had failed miserably. Most of those who took the Kobayashi Maru failed; the test itself was made to be unbeatable. The only person who ever passed was—

"Spock!"

The Vulcan's head snapped up. Standing in the doorway was none other than James T. Kirk, looking tired, but somehow irritated.

"Captain," Spock said, almost startled. "Should you not be continuing your bed rest?"

Jim crossed the room in three long strides, looking as if he wanted to do nothing more than punch the Vulcan in the nose. "Shut up," Kirk growled, then leaned forward and kissed him.

Spock stiffened, the PADD falling out of his hands and landing on the floor with a clatter. Kirk backed him up to a desk, his hands came up to cup the sides of Spock's face, holding him in place. For a moment, Spock's mind went blissfully blank and the only coherent thought he could form was _Jim_.

Kirk pulled back abruptly, putting roughly an inch between them. Spock nearly followed him forward as to not break their kiss.

"Captain?" questioned Spock.

"You," said Kirk, "are the most illogical idiot I have ever met."

A faint line appeared between Spock's eyebrows and he opened his mouth to speak, but Kirk kissed him again. Jim's tongue found its way into Spock's mouth, and Spock may or may not have moaned. It was hard to tell where he ended and where Jim began.

The second time Jim pulled away, Spock was surprised to find that they were both breathing heavily. Kirk rested their foreheads together and Spock tried again to find the origin of this action.

"J-Jim," panted Spock, "wh-what—?"

"I watched the security tapes of when I died," Jim explained, nuzzling Spock's cheek. "I saw the parts that I missed out on before."

It took a moment, but Spock realized what he must have seen. "You heard…"

"Mmmhmm," Jim hummed, pressing his hips to Spock's and nipping at the tip of the Vulcan's ear, making Spock gasp. "And just to be clear," Kirk continued, fumbling around with their hands until both of their index and middle fingers came together in a Vulcan kiss, "all that _T'hy'la_ stuff goes for me, too."

Spock did his best to glare at Kirk, but given their current situation it was rather hard to muster up enough willpower to think.

"Jim—" warned Spock, but his Captain kissed him again, and the Vulcan didn't complain.


End file.
